Article: Exploring The Common Fear Of “Bulking Up”

Introduction

Many women avoid weight training. Reasons cited include not knowing what to do, feeling uneasy in the typical male-dominated weights room, believing their current method of training is enough, and even laziness (some readily admit to this). Most common is the fear of “bulking up”. Many women try to embrace weight training after learning of the benefits, but panic and stop when they start to lift heavier and/or put on muscle. Some continue to lift, but avoid heavy weights to prevent themselves from getting “bulky”. Most however, resort to cardio or high repetition exercises such as spinning, running, Zumba, Body Combat and Body Pump. They then wonder why despite training hard and losing weight, they aren’t achieving the lean, defined look they see on others.

There are many well written articles that try to help women overcome this fear of “bulking up”. These typically focus on busting common myths, such as “women don’t produce enough testosterone” or “muscle burns more calories”. There are also a growing number of women who have personally experienced the benefits of weightlifting, and have been inspired to write their own testimonials in a bid to help other females discover what they have.

Despite having access all to this wonderful information, why do so many women continue to ignore such sound advice?

The reasons are due to psychological, sociological and emotional factors, all of which can greatly influence how a woman perceives beauty in themselves, and in other females. These factors can stop a woman from venturing further into the weight lifting process long enough to see that it is the key to achieving the much conveted lean “toned” body.

I used to be one of these women. As someone not naturally slim, I used to wish I was as thin as my friends, and the models and actresses I saw in the media and advertising campaigns. I felt inadequate and uncomfortable in my own skin. My appreciation for strength and muscle had not yet developed. I was unable to distinguish between muscle and fat, and I failed to see just how skinny most of these women actually were. When I started exercising and lost weight, I prided myself for having skinny arms and being able to fit into size 6 clothes.

Since 2012, I experienced a number of key turning points which opened my eyes and completely changed my perception of beauty. Going from one end of the spectrum to the other has given me a unique insight into why women fear “bulking up”. Many see exactly what I used to see, or rather, didn’t see. Without understanding these intrinsic factors, no amount of myth busting or science can convince a woman to become truly comfortable with lifting heavy weights and having muscle, including many who are actively weight training.

This article will explore the reasons behind a woman’s fear of “bulking up”. I describe my old perception of beauty, what I used to see, how it changed. Whilst I acknowledge that this can also affect males, I have purposely chosen to speak directly to women, simply because of the unique perspective I have attained as a female who has personally overcome this very common fear.

This article advocates weight training, and I encourage all women (and men) who are afraid of lifting heavy weights to read with an open mind. I hope it will inspire others to challenge their current perception of themselves, and recognise how it may be preventing them from achieving the body they say they want, yet do the opposite to achieve it.

My Old Perception of Beauty

To understand some of the points I will make later, it is important to start by detailing my own journey first – what I used to see, what changed my perception, and how I see things now. My perception of beauty did not change overnight, nor did I consciously set out to change it. I was simply on a journey of self discovery through weightlifting. It may be surprising to hear, but it has been just over a year since I grew comfortable with having muscle.

What I Used To See (And What Many Women Currently See)

In late 2010, I was shown a video of the CrossFit Nasty Girls workout. I admired the strength in these women, but I was also alarmed by their muscles. I thought they looked far too muscular, and declared to everyone else watching that “I never want to look like that”. Today, I see them as healthy, strong women who have overcome the superficialities of society and peer pressure. I know that women who are afraid of “bulking up” see exactly what I used to see.

This image below has been posted up on the internet many times. I have seen it twice; the first time was before my perception changed. I remember thinking the girl’s legs were too muscular, which only validated the belief that my own legs could also grow too big.

The second time I saw this image was in September 2014, a year after I entered a bikini competition. I did not see the same girl. By then, my perception had changed. I now appreciated muscle and the hard work involved in achieving a figure like this. Today, her legs look lean and attractive to me.

My old perception was based on a combination of internal and external influences: cultural upbringing, childhood experiences, and standards set by society and the media, particularly the fashion and advertising industry.

Culture & Childhood Influences

I grew up within a large Asian community where being dainty and thin was (and still is) considered attractive. Looking back, I was simply a naturally strong, healthy kid, but at the time, I felt chubby amongst my much daintier friends. Growing up, I received remarks from relatives, with an occasional thigh pinch on how “big” my legs were. This was simply the culture I grew up in (the older asian generation don’t hold back!). A flippant joke from a friend about having “cankles” perpetuated my insecurities about my large calf muscles. These small but significant experiences made me become very self conscious about my legs, and this affected me up until only recently – the end of 2013 to be exact.

Fashion Influences

After successfully losing the two dress sizes gained aged nineteen, I went from a size 10 to a size 6. I was proud of being able to fit into this tiny size. I didn’t focus on the number on the scales, but I did focus on the old number on my dress. I felt uncomfortable with having upper body muscle, and would get paranoid about growing bigger. As a result, I would swing between wanting to get stronger to wanting to fit back into the size 6 clothes in my wardrobe. I trained my upper body but only as integrated full body exercises. I did not prioritise it, nor did I train with an intention to progress onto heavier weights. Additionally, I had naturally strong legs, and trying to find a pair of jeans to fit around my thighs was a challenge, even before I started weight lifting. Finding boots wide enough for my calves was a nightmare. I allowed fashion to dictate what my body shape should be.

Society and Peer Pressure

My insecurities were compounded in my job as a personal trainer. I used to work in a high end gym where the aversion to weight training and desire to be skinny was higher than average. I met many women who made it clear they did not want to put on muscle. Some even demanded I stop making them squat and lunge so much and do more isolation work. I sometimes passed them onto another trainer as it wasn’t in my philosophy to train without weights if the person was able to.

In hindsight, it was also an act self preservation because I wasn’t quite there myself yet. My weight fluctuated a lot due to my addiction to sugar (read more here) and when I was heavier, it was difficult to explain to others that my larger size was due to body fat, not muscle. I would feel uneasy because I felt they looked at my well developed legs and think that the exercises I gave them would make them “bulky”. It would be even worse if I met a female of Asian origin, because I knew what Asian culture was like.

Like many women, I would grow uncomfortable as my muscles started to develop and grow. As I lifted heavier, I struggled to accept my changing body shape. Because of this, I sometimes found it hard to convince others that lifting weights wouldn’t make them “bulky”. How could I when I sometimes thought the same?

Despite my inconsistent thoughts and fears, I stuck to the path and continued to lift heavy. I did so because I was able to think rationally. I stayed focused on the facts rather than listening to my emotions:

1) Science and common sense told me to continue with what I was doing despite not always being comfortable with the results. Lifting heavier meant I would have more muscle. Muscle is lean tissue, and metabolically active. Having more muscle meant that my metabolism would increase, and I would burn more fat overall in a 24 hour period compared to having a body with less muscle.

2) Genetics meant that my naturally muscular thighs and calves would not get slimmer without fighting nature by being on a permanently restricted diet. As a food lover, this was something I was unwilling to do.

3) The body I was uncomfortable with was due to my body fat levels, NOT muscle and heavy lifting. I knew I was addicted to sugar, so I couldn’t blame my increased size or “bulkiness” on lifting heavy weights until I had found a balance with my nutrition and lowered my body fat.

Based on these facts, I knew that once I had mastered my nutrition, developed new eating habits and successfully integrated it into my lifestyle, the rest would fall into place.

How My Perception of Beauty Changed

Over the course of eighteen months, I experienced a series of key moments that together, resulted in changing my perception of beauty completely:

1) CrossFit (August 2012)

I first became aware of my perception when I joined a CrossFit gym in 2012. There were lots of female members at this CrossFit gym, and it was refreshing to see other women lift heavy, with many lifting heavier than me. Training alongside these women was both motivating and inspiring. I also started watching the CrossFit Games and for the first time ever, I had plenty of role models to aspire towards.

A CrossFit video called “Beauty in Strength” also played an important role in helping me become comfortable with lifting heavy weights. The most common trait that struck me most in all these women was their attitude. They were proud of their strength and their muscles, and it showed in the way they carried themselves. They didn’t conform to the typical female image, and they didn’t care. Their focus on ability to move, as opposed to appearance, allowed them to let go of superficial standards, and discover what they were truly capable of, and this was one of the things I loved about CrossFit.

2) My Chiropractor (April 2013)

During a visit to John Williamson, my Sports Chiropractor of many years, he mentioned that the first thing he noticed was how well developed my lower body was in comparison to my upper body. I already knew that it was the reason for my inability to do certain upper body movements in CrossFit, and also why I suffered from chronic neck pain and shoulder problems. But to have someone who looked at me objectively and tell me this explicitly brought about a new awareness. It helped me see my upper body in a different light. This, plus wanting to improve as a CrossFit athlete motivated me to strengthen up my upper body.

3) The CrossFit Regionals (May 2013)

I used to avoid wearing shorts. I felt they were too big and “chunky” and shorts were unflattering. I recall a conversation with a CrossFit friend in January 2013. I told her that she would never catch me wearing shorts because I disliked my muscular legs. She didn’t understand. I would get complimented on my legs by many female CrossFit friends, but because of my childhood experiences, I struggled to see what they saw.

All this changed when I went to the CrossFit European Regionals in May 2013. Lots of female athletes, both competitors and spectators walked around wearing shorts. I admired their muscular shapely legs and the way they held themselves with confidence. Then I had an epiphany – I had legs just like them! Suddenly I saw what others saw in me, and I began to appreciate what years of doing squats and lunges had given me. I still wasn’t 100% comfortable though. This would happen later.

4) Finding An Old Photograph

About a year into CrossFit, I found an old photograph taken in January 2009 at a spin instructor course. During this period, my training was mainly cardio and circuit training. Suddenly, I realised how skinny I used to be and how much better I looked now. It was a revelation, and it was that moment that I finally stopped wanting to fit back into my size 6 clothes. I accepted that I simply had to find new clothes and new styles to suit my new, curvier body shape. I finally embraced upper body training and increasing my strength became an real intention.

5) Entering a Bikini Competition (November 2013)

Well developed calf muscles rely largely on genetics. When I became a personal trainer, I discovered that mine were much admired and envied, especially by those who had to work hard on developing theirs, with often futile results. I didn’t quite appreciate why until I went to a bodybuilding competition a few weeks before my own. A bodybuilder is judged on muscle symmetry and the stage highlighted any disproportions to the body. Spectators eyes can’t help being drawn towards muscles that are overdeveloped or underdeveloped. Most of the male and female competitors had great calf muscles, but the stage really highlighted the few who had neglected or struggled to develop this body part.

I knew my calves were an asset to me in movement and in training, but this was first time I could appreciate them aesthetically. What I gained through competing was the icing on the cake. I was now comfortable with having muscular well shaped, curvy legs. Today, I love wearing shorts. I no longer care if boots don’t fit, or if I can’t wear skinny jeans. Nothing has ever made me wish I had different legs since.

The competition also helped to develop a critical eye for muscle. It made me see just how underdeveloped my upper body muscles were, and this increased my motivation to develop my strength and muscle in this area. I am sure the same thing happened to most women who compete. Many would step on stage thinking they looked great, but afterwards would realise from photos just how skinny they were, or how body fat affected their appearance. Bodybuilding is not meant for everyone, and it can also cause body dysmorphia just as much as skinny models in fashion pages. Overall, it helped many women embrace having muscle and overcome their fear of “bulking up”.

Do Women Who Fear “Bulking Up” See What I Used To See?

Women always ask me how they can “tone up” and lose fat. When I tell them lifting heavy weights (and good nutrition) is the key to both, their response is usually “But I don’t want to bulk up”, I respond by showing them these photos of myself. When I ask them which photo I look better in, they always say I look much better in the photo on the right hand side.

My photo has become one of the most powerful tools I use on women who fear “bulking up”. It can help to open up conversations that suggests gently to a woman that perhaps how they perceive themselves with muscle is how I used to perceive myself. I find it interesting when slim people agree I was too skinny, without realising that this is what they currently look like. It certainly provides food for thought when I tell them I thought I looked great in my skinny days. It was only since I found the old photo and had something to compare myself against that I finally could see what other people saw: how much better and healthier I look today.

Like me, most women need time to adjust to having muscle. Sadly, most don’t trust the process enough to develop this empowering perception of beauty. Today, I have reached a true sense of confidence. Lifting weights is more than just looking good, losing weight and/or having a six pack. I hope sharing my experience will help others to start lifting weights and reach this point much sooner than I did.